So In Love
by prettykouka
Summary: His Love is what hurts, but also conforts me the most. It's insane. I just don't get it. Depending on how you like it, might become a series of entries of the diaries/thoughts of various characters.
1. Gabriella

**I don't own anything but the plot.**

**Therefore, I don't own High School Musical or anything related to Disney, or the lyrics that are found in this. Thank you. Enjoy.**

**I think I'll make this a series of one-shots, about how all of the characters in HSM write in their diaries. Maybe I'll do that. I don't promise anything. But so far, this is the Gabriella one. If I do it for real, than the next entry will be either Troy or Sharpay.**

**Enjoy, and leave a review. Everything is explained in this. I hope you'll like it!.**

**See ya**

**God Bless.**

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_**I love you Lord.**_

_I just don't get it. It's too much for my little self to understand. And even if I'm sixteen now, even if, most people say that I've grown a lot, I don't think I'll ever really grasp why._

_Why?_

_Why does it have to be this way?_

_I'm not complaining or anything, but it just keeps on breaking me, more and more, but also it's bringing me closer._

_Are you confused yet diary?_

_I guess, you should be really used to it, see that I've had you since I was about 10 years old. It's crazy how I still write into you what ever is going through my head._

_As you must know, I guess, was that all I talked about since the beginning of this entry is God's love. You should be used also of how I just talk about my faith all the time. It's not my fault really._

_I'm really grateful to the Lord, because he sent his children, my best friend plus my boyfriend, Taylor and Troy, to get me to believe in him._

_And when I look back, it's true; I've been such a disobedient child. I mean, I have been pushing God away from my life since, who knows how long. And I guess, I came to that time where I just couldn't push him away anymore._

_A pretty lame testimony huh?_

_Maybe not to some people…_

_I just can't believe how, God used the sickness of my mom, to bring me closer to Him._

_It's true when it says that, God often uses the bad moments in our life, as a door that leads you to the path._

_My mom, as you know already, but I'm just writing it again, just in case, was diagnostic with cancer. Not all types of cancer are curable, well, they are but some of them have bigger chances of you dying than anything else you know?_

_My mom, was attempted with intestinal cancer. Pretty harsh huh? Yeah, it was on all of us, especially on me._

_But you got to deal with it. Accept what comes to you in life, and just try to overcome it, for you not to stay in the way…get what I mean?_

_Anyways, during those dark times, I remembered what Tay and Troy had told me about God. At first I was really angry at Him. I couldn't understand why He was making my mom sick. I thought that if it was this way that this God of theirs acted, then I didn't want to deal with Him at all. But they came over, and explained to me, how evil things never came from God. Well, now I just understand that He did so to bring me closer to Him, and for me to see how great He is. _

_My mom, is not here now. She's in Heaven. How am I so sure? She accepted Christ as her Personal Savior, just the day before she left us forever. Well, technically, she didn't leave forever, she lives in my heart, so she's always as close as she used to be even when she was here._

_I just want to hold her in my arms thought, because I miss her terribly, I know that God is taking are of her . I just wish she were here. _

_So back to the first thin I was talking about at the beginning, God's love is just too mush for me to just adjust to. My mind can't grasp it, and I don't understand how He is so loving to all of us, even when we do things against Him._

_He's just so amazing!_

_He's calling everyone of the Earth to just look up, to the sky and for them to just believe in Him, put their trust in Him._

_He's knocking at the door of the hearts like He did for me, He's calling people._

_And it's our mission as Christians and as servants and soldiers of the Almighty God, to spread His great news, about salvation, and how He died for all the wrong things you've done._

_All you got to do is say yes, I want you in my life and accept Him in your life. He'll bring the most powerful changes into you, so that you may become a purified and blameless man. _

_By the blood of the Lamb, we are healed and purified, justified and sanctified for His glory. His Love is everlasting and my cup is overflowing, so much that I have enough to show His, in my life, to other people._

_He's reaching out to love and to touch your heart._

_Will you let Him in, for you to dwell with Him in heaven? Forever?_

_Ask God to give you faith, forgiveness, kindness, ask Him to lead you, guide you by His grace. Let Him enter your life…._

_God is pleased with those who trust in His love. I studied that in youth group the other day._

_OOPS! I got to go! I'll talk to you later diary, my dad's calling for dinner! Good night!_

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_Hey!, just a last thing before light's out:_

_Lyrics that I loved, from the minute I listened to them, like fifteen minutes ago, when Troy came over. He gave the CD to me. It's a Donnie McClurkin one, I don't know if you know him, but he's an awesome Christian singer. And you know me, I love to Worship. Anyways, here are the lyrics that I already memorized. You know I'm good at that ;) _

''_**A world where pain and sorrow will be ended,**_

_**And every heart, that's broken, will be mended, **_

_**And we'll remember, we are all God's children…''**_

_Skipping some parts here..._

''_**Just like every child, needs to find a place,**_

_**Guide us with your grace**_

_**Give us faith so we'll be saved''**_

_And as usual, the little written prayer, coming right from the heart._

_I love you Lord, how amazing it is to be in you, I love how you love me, and I'm sorry for all of the things that I've done against you, all of those things that I did wrong, all this sin that often leads me away from You._

_But still, you stand by me, and you love me, and you just keep on forgiving me, even I often do wrong._

_I need you, I really do. Implant yourself in me, for I can't live without you. You know that. I love you too. _

_By your powerful arms, you push away all things that are deceitful to your eyes. I want to live for and only by you. Touch my heart, o how I'm insanely in love with you!_

_Thank you for giving me your child around me, thank you for Troy, thank you for Taylor, thank you for Sharpay and Ryan, my dear youth group and neighbor friends, thank you for dad, that is accepting you now, in his life. Keep on making your work in his life. And I pray that my brother, will stand firm in you, even when he sinned and rebuke you for a long time. I guess he was quite lost, and I pray that you keep on showing him the way to you._

_Lead me Lord, so that my eyes may be kept on you._

_Lead my life, mark my ways and be my shepherd as I'll follow you through the paths of righteousness. I know you won't let me down, and I know that I can trust in you, because you won't let me down, you won't lead me astray and even if I do get away from you, you'll come to my rescue if I'll fall in the pits, you won't let darkness take over me, and you'll love me to the end of time, until I come and found you in the paradise, in the promised land you promised for your children. Thank you for all things!_

_May you be worshiped above all. _

_Amen._

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**Okay peeps! Here it was! I hope you enjoyed this journey, and I hope that it wasn't to ruff. I was just talking to my mom, when it came to me, and I was just urged to write this. Her thoughts and prayers are lots like me, but my mom, isn't gone, but my brother, one of them is lost, and still not at peace with God. If it's the same way for you, I'll keep you in my prayers, or you family members or friends.**

**My prayer for this story and my other Christian stories, is that, they will help in your awakening…or I you have been already, in the growing of your faith.**

**If you came up to this story or any of my other ones, I guess it was because of a reason. Maybe God wanted you to read it, so that you may be awaken, and that you may set your eyes on Him.**

**Anyway! Let me know what you though! **

**Take care.**

**Pretty kouka**


	2. Sharpay

**This is a Sharpay one. Hope you'll enjoy!**

**It's not one of her writing in her diary, it's more like her thoughts and a prayer at the end. Hopefully you'll relate because, this is like me talking through this character.**

**See ya!**

**PS: I don't own anything but the plot. I don't own high school musical nor Disney nor anything associated with those two.

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**Sharpay: Create in me a clean heart.**

Cheating.

Cheating!

That's how low I had fallen. That stupid afternoon Spanish exam.

I knew I was doing wrong thought. And that's what's makes the whole situation worst! I knew God was watching me, I knew I was being deceitful, but I went with the flow. I went up with all the other students that cheated on that test. I had copied the answers on that white deceitful paper, and when it was the time, I unfolded it to peek up at the answers.

Eleven different exercises, and two of them were done with the cheat flow. A friend of mine had handed me the answers and yeah, I guess this time I would get more than the average.

The Lord is not pleased with me. And being known as a Christian girl is not helping. What image am I projecting to the other non-believers.

And you know what?

I don't think I'll be able to ask for forgiveness, because, I'm sick and tired of doing so. I know Jesus died for me and all, and I know that He says that He is loving and will always forgive, but my mind just can't seem to just stop thinking that at some point, He gets tired of it. I know I would. But then again, He's God right? He's not human.

But seriously, how do you expect human mind, as small as mine, wrap around the idea that even if I, you , a murderer, a child abuser, a stealer, a prostitute, a kamikaze, a terrorist, a cheater, a lair, a blasphemer, a persecutor, keep on sinning, if at some point we turn around towards Him and ask for forgiveness with a true heart, He'll forgive.

Other issue is that right now, I can't ask for forgiveness. Not now. I'm not ready. And I've always had this thing in my head where I thought of how, I shouldn't do stuff that I'm not prepared, not set up for. Like if I need to pray and don't feel like praying it's worthless, because it's heartless, so what's the point of doing it?

Let's face it, I'm lost.

But I know that I won't be lost forever...

''Lord, forgive us when we get consumed by the things in this world.

Forgive us, when we just loose our way and instead of turning to you, we let ourselves being driven by the flow of sinners, by the way that leads to temptation and to destruction.

I don't want to go back to being the drinker, and the smoker. The one that has a view of life different from any other ones. The one that sees life like the time, you'll never get back, Like the time you need to waste in sex, drugs, smoking and drinking. I don't want this again. That's how powerful your work is in me. It's crazy how I use to think that those things build my life, how I use to think that those things are what defined me. But you proved me wrong. I mean, look at me now:Those things discuss me. You've showed me that You are the one that defines me. I won't ask for forgiveness, not now. But I know that I'm not worthy of either your mercy, your grace, your forgiveness, or the little amount of blood that I represent in the large part that was let down at the cross. I'm sorry thought to have disappointed you. I'm not sure I'm sorry about doing it, because I can't say that I didn't know what I was doing. Because I did. I just didn't know what would be the consequence of that. I don't want thing to come in our way though.

As pitiful as I am before You, I come humble and ask you to please guide me out of the world, and help me trust you more, so that I may follow you blind folded. I want to be able to love and to care like I use to. I want Satan out of my life for good. And I pray at last for Ryan and my friends, Gab and Troy who are in love.

Just one thing about the couple. Mostly Troy. I know he made a commitment to you about how he wouldn't have a sexual relationship before marriage. And I agree with that, because that's one of your commandments, and I respect that. All I ask is for you to straighten him. I ask you to not let him be consumed by temptation like I was. I see him sometimes, I see he's eyes, dart around Gab's body with want. And so I ask you to give him the strength not to give in, not to surrender like I did. So that he may continue to shine for your glory, as I'm a little out of it now.

I pray to you, like I've never prayed before, I ask you to hear my cry even if I don't deserve to be heard because I don't come before you with a clean heart. Amen''

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**Leave a review and let me know what you think? **

**The next entry might be a Troy one.:) **

**God bless.**


	3. Chad

_**The time Chad is talking 'bout his story he's 18 so Cassy is 11 and Mike is 24**_

_**When Mike came to take them Chad is 12, Cassy is 5 and Mike is 17 going to 18**_

_**I was wondering what I was going to talk about for the boys but I think I finally found one for Chad, I know I promised the next one would have been Troy, but Chad was finished before him…I still have great ideas for him, but I'm just not inspired enough yet, I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you.**_

_**Try to enjoy it? Leave reviews telling me what you think okay?**_

_**Xoxo..God bless**_

_**Prettykouka.:) **_

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**CHAD**

My mom left us home when I was about 10 years old, my little sister just turning 3 and my older brother off to college.

My dad tried to provide food for the table everyday and I was left to take care of Cassidy. So sad my story but I never let the tears down, didn't want to show my pain to my little sister.

So hard all of this. My dad after a while lost his job. No more traveling, yes I'm grateful I can see him more! But after a few days I remember how I just wanted to go away, he started gambling and losing money.

He bet out on everything, even the house.

By this time, Cassie was 5 years old and some of his 'friends' came home one day, looking for him for I think he owed money. They saw her there, and they became interested in her. But thankfully I was home to protect her.

I received all of their fit throws without complaining, I needed to same my sister. Anything could have been done to me, but no one touches her. She was 5 years old for people's sake!

Social security took us to this orphan place. I thought we had the file of being 'unadoptable' and we both did, because our dad was still alive and our mom was somewhere in this Earth living the perfect life.

Plus, Mike was our legal guardian and he was about to be eighteen…

But then charges were pressed against my dad and when they contacted my mom, she said she didn't want to have anything to do with us. I've eavesdrop a lot while I was in this big building.

And for some strange reasons, which I can't clear up even now, I was put into the list of kids to be adopted.

A month later, without even knowing I was part of that list, a man and his wife came and talked to me, drawing me far away from my sister.

I protested and said that if they took me home, they would also have to take me.

But apparently they could only take one kid home.

I begged to stay but I was brought to their home that I was to call home.

But I never felt at home ever.

How do you think that a twelve year old could have survived being separated from his sister to whom he promised to always be close to and about two weeks after he had left her and that his new mom went abroad for a business trip started to be abused by his 'father'?

How do you think that feels?

I'll tell you, it feels terrible. Because my mom, my real mom, she didn't destroy my body, but she killed my soul. I was hurt by all my father's acts and all by then my 'dad' abusing of me, taking me at night and touching me in spots I knew were not meant to be touched by another man, killed my body and broke my heart and soul.

It continued like that until I learned at that school I was going to that when such things happen, you should talk about it to a grown up either your teacher, or a policeman, or your neighbor.

But I never felt secure enough with anyone to really discuss the subject. I was the shyest kid in my class, but I had the best grade someone could ever ask for.

At some point, the principal sent a not to my adoptive parents, telling them that at this rant, I could skip my class and get to a higher grade. I was happy about it, because I thought of how I could finish school earlier and actually take care of my sister in the way I was brought to.

I missed her so much.

I missed her and my heart ached whenever I would picture her little body battering with the grownups holding her when I was taken away.

All of those tears and her cries of my name.

Sometimes I would see her in the middle of the class, tears streaming down her small cheeks, wanting for me to come back and hold her close.

I had failed her. Oh! I'm so sorry Cassidy!

I know I hurt you, I was hurt too. I'm so sorry baby girl !I promise you, I'll find a way back to you!

And I did. Two years later, my brother came over and took me out of the house. He had come by at the school and I was so delighted to see him. He said that he had went to the orphanage after he learned about all of the crisis going on, and that he would come soon to take me. I remember begging him to take me now but he said he would but not now. He still needed to straight some things out.

I'm pretty sure that sneaking into the house, packing my bags and just leaving while the parents were not there( I was guarded by this nanny which I loved and she was the only one that really knew where I was going and who took me. She was so sorry for me that she let me go. I love you Marita!) and then going to the orphanage and sneaking in one of the back doors and taking Cassidy along with me into that car my brother had, was illegal.

But all three of us didn't care. We drove until we got far away. We left the US and I was happy that we were in another country.

Somehow my brother had managed to get all the papers ready. I'm pretty proud of him.

All of those nightmares are gone now, and I was saved. Literally.

I was saved by my brother and in the same shot I fulfilled my promise to Cassie. She has grown into the strongest young lady I know now.

But also, while I thought that love didn't exist, that it was like those fairy tale stories that parents would tell their kids just so they could go to bed and rest, I found greater joy and peace in Jesus.

I didn't even know that something as powerful as what he did existed. All of this sacrifice Jesus led down on the cross is just amazing.

And now I just keep on wondering, without God, what I would be.

He mended my heart and restored my soul.

The Bible says that the preaching about the cross is foolishness to those who aren't saved.

But I can tell you that if God is tugging on your heart right now, it's because he loves you and he wants you to know him better, let him take all of your worries, wipe away your tears and bring you joy.

And when I accepted Jesus as my personal savior which means letting him into my heart and surrendering to him, I felt great. I felt peace. And I just wake up every morning, look at the beautiful sky and the sun shining down and I just smile and pray "thank you Lord for saving me. Where would my soul be without your son, who gave his life to save the Earth?"

At church, Troy, my best friend, Gabriella, Sharpay, all of those teens are like in fire for God and they were the ones that supported me all along. I'm so grateful to have them as my friends.

And I met this girl, Taylor whom I think was sent from God for me. You know how Adam and Eve were made for each other? I think it's the same for me. I love her very much. And she's one of those people that are able to just talk to me, make me feel better, reassure me when I wonder where God is…

She was the one that really made me understand that I needed to forgive my parents and all who had done me wrong because God forgave me and forgave them but also loved them too. And so, I forgive you dad for all of the drinking and owning money, the drugs flowing out in the house, and the pot and everything else, I forgive you mom for having lefts us when we all needed you most for this upper side guy. And I also forgot about your abusive actions Trey…

I'm just so grateful for all that God has done for me, and even if it seemed like he had left me in the pits about four years ago, I know that if I didn't suffer all those 14 years, I would have never grown to what I am today and I might have never found the greater joy that comes with heaven.

From my past now I'm free thanks to You Lord, I wouldn't be here today without You....

**And there you go, I'm sorry I made you wait so long for a next person's point of view. My internet hasn't been working in like 2 weeks! And I was able to update my other stories and submit one-shots just because I was at my cousin's house. So I hope that It'll work later on, cuz seriously it's been a long time now!**

**I hope you liked this. I'm just able to write so sad stories sometimes that it's just incredible. I hope I didn't make anyone shred in tears, and I hope that if any of you can relate, that you'll grow closer to god also, even when it seems that He hasn't done anything to help you out. Know that he's always there for you and all you have to do is cry out to him. He's waiting for you to grow and come to him. He loves you no matter what you have done and he's ready to forgive you…that's how amazing his love is.**

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**Take care guys**

**God bless**

**Prettykouka.**


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